16 Offensive Thoughts for 2016

With the new year, I'd like to clear up a few things about my opinions and thoughts in general. If you are offended….well, I’m going to get to that here….

1] If you have a penis, you are not a woman, you are just a guy who likes to put on makeup and heels. If you don’t have cramps because you had to have a penis cut off, reshaped, turned inside out or whatever…you are not a woman.  I’m okay with that despite what you think; I just don’t think you’re a woman.  You can’t identify with being a woman because you didn’t grow up having society tell you that you have to be skinny and pretty and quiet and demure. You never got looked over in math class or science glass or woodworking shop because someone took a look at you and decided you weren’t right for the answers. You never had to call your father or your brother or your neighbor to open a jar from the grocery store. You remain a man/boy who maybe prefers dresses to jeans and likes makeup and heels. But you have never been a woman or a girl and you never will be any more than I will wake up and decide that I’ve had enough Chinese food to totally identify with being Chinese.  Doesn’t matter how many surgeries and how many language lessons and how many bowls of rice, I will always be an American who wants to be something I am not. You are a man who likes to wear dresses and heels and make-up. That’s okay. So don’t tell me that you aren’t still pretending. You are.

2] I don't care what pronoun you prefer to use on yourself, I prefer to use pronouns that make sense to me..it causes me stress and anxiety to use your pronouns when I want to use my pronouns...why is your stress and anxiety not as important as mine? What kind of insensitive cad are you?

3] Bad people will never be stopped by laws. Murder has been wrong since the beginning of time and yet we still do it. People will constantly try to take what is not theirs. There’s a speed limit. How many times have you broken the speed limit in your life? How hard was it to do that? You are a criminal. We are all criminals. Laws are the construct of man, man is flawed and twisted and fallible. That is life. In a perfect world, we wouldn’t need laws for guidance; we would know. In a perfect world, we would feel empathy and think ahead to possible consequences. None of us are perfect. Stop trying to legislate us to perfection; instead strive for empathy and thoughtfulness and strive to teach it to upcoming generations.

4] I will vote for who I want to, your memes and opinions mean nothing to me and I'm really not sure why my opinion is so important to you that you feel the need to attack it and generally call me a bad person because I don't agree with you...I mean, who in the HELL made you any more of an authority on anything than me? What is it about you that makes you think you are better than me? Because when you tell me I’m wrong and you tell me I’m stupid, you are essentially telling me that you’re better than me. I would like to think of you as an equal with a differing opinion instead of an egocentric douche with a closed mind. It’s surprising to me how many of you “open-minded” people try to tell others they are closed minded for not thinking like you do.

5] Ownership of a weapon does not make someone inherently violent, and just because you don't understand that shooting is a sport doesn't make it wrong. I don't understand the sport of javelin throwing. What's the thrill of throwing a giant pointy stick that could impale unsuspecting passersby? I don't get it; but, you know, I feel you should do your thing. Don’t understand hunting? Funny, I don’t understand how you can eat bacon. Perhaps you are not aware of where bacon comes from? At least hunters give the animal a fighting chance. Trust me when I tell you that the burger you are eating had no chance. I fully admit that I’m a hypocrite here. I’m not sure I could ever hunt. But at least I admit it while I’m scarfing down my holiday meal.

6] If you don't believe in God, church, abortion, guns, carnivores, gluten eaters, or feather dusters…that’s just fine by me. However, let’s understand that other people don’t believe that and let’s respect that about them. I don’t like the color pink, but I’m not going to stop people from wearing it or painting their walls pink. I don’t have to live in a world of pink, I just have to tolerate it from people who make that choice. It’d be nice if you all were as accepting and open-minded.  Or perhaps you just don’t trust yourself in a world where others are doing the things you think are wrong for you. That sounds more like a problem you have than a problem anyone else has.

7] Drugs and alcohol. One is legal and one is not. Both involve a measure of personal responsibility. Some people will rob to get their next fix. Some people will drive while drunk. This all goes back to that empathy and consequences thing. I’ve known people who have indulged in both and indulged too much at times. And yet these people have held jobs, never robbed anyone, been sober for work, and never taken a dime out of the pockets of their family. Actually, I’ve known people with expensive hobbies that have been more damaging to their families than people who drink too much.  As long as you aren’t putting anyone else at risk and you’re not shirking your responsibilities, I’m good with just letting people do what they want. I don’t want to go on a heroin binge anytime soon. Still, I understand that some people get wrapped up in addictions they do not have the ability to control. I believe we should help those people if they want and need help. I believe I should help old ladies cross the street and I believe I should help people better themselves, too.

8] Why is everyone taking offense at everything?  What the hell happened to the balls this country had? I mean really. Damn. Words are the enemy? Really? The most sacred point of the Bill of Rights and people are willfully trying to hide from it. Life isn’t a convenience. Life isn’t meant to cater to your every demand. I’m damned sorry if your parents made you think that you deserve to live in a bubble where everything is all pretty. Life doesn’t work like that. It’s work. Sometimes it sucks. People have minds of their own and they don’t conform to your little visions of how they should react. When you’re a toddler, you get to pretend that the world is perfect. But when you’re an adult, you should be well acquainted with the fact that you’re not going to like some things. And as adults, you just have to figure out how to work with that. If you can’t deal with the fact that you aren’t the painter of your own reality and you get pissed at people who don’t fit in, then you are nothing better than an emotional toddler. Don’t expect me to treat you any differently. Stop whining or get treated like a child.

9] Yeah, life is an inconvenience; but, life is wonderful too. Nothing beats the thrill of working hard and accomplishing something. I’m pretty sure nothing beats standing at the top of your own Mt. Everest…except turning to your right and seeing that someone built an elevator for someone else who thought that since you saw the world from the pinnacle that they should too, but they weren’t capable or willing to make the effort.  Hey, that’s life, whiners. You can’t have everything you want. If you want it bad enough, keep trying.  Now I know that on some level this suggestion belies what I said before about letting people do things their own way.  But this is about choice. And if you make sacrifices for an award, you shouldn’t have to deal with someone who demands the prize without the sacrifice.

10] The willfully ignorant get no sympathy…They shall not be given quarter. Yes, I am a pirate who demands that people constantly strive to learn. If you’re done learning, then I’m done with you. If you’re happy to wallow in your trough of bad decisions, then wallow. I’m good with leaving you there. You want out? See #9 .  However, I am also good with not dealing with you when you just want other people to think for you.  Once I was told by someone “I don’t read. I let other people do that hard work.” Uhm….good for you. Go away. I don’t want to be around anyone who brags about how stupid they are.

11] People who don’t like animals cannot be trusted.

12] People who lie (I’m talking big lies, not little white lies) to their significant others cannot be trusted. You give a solemn vow to one person other than your family. If you can’t keep that vow to someone you profess to love, then what would prevent you from lying to me, a person you don’t give a crap about?

13] Gay marriage.  Well, I don’t want to marry another woman, but hey, whatever. You have a person you want to share your life with and be devoted to? You’re a lucky person. I really can’t fathom any place where this would be considered a bad thing. If you are against gay marriage, you are allowed to not enter into a gay marriage...problem solved.

14] Evil exists. It has nothing to do with laws or history or being made to feel bad during childhood. People are evil. People will want to destroy you. People want to kill you. Not everyone, of course. The world is still filled with good people. However, to deny the existence of evil or think that evil can be solved with a hug is wrong. This is my opinion. You are welcome to believe that. Just don’t try to convince me I can leave my doors unlocked or walk a dark ally in a big city without looking over my shoulder. People are evil. They will kill you for your shoes, they will kill you because you don’t believe what they do. They will kill you because of the color of your skin or the color of your hair or because you call carbonated beverages soda instead of pop. It doesn’t really matter why or what excuse, these people will hurt you and kill you because they are evil and empty inside.

15] I am tired of hiding my happiness because you are unhappy. I’m tired of trying to be careful of your feelings when at every opportunity, you attempt to throw gray clouds around everything. I’m sorry that you cannot be happy. But dammit, that’s about you not me. If I hear one more person say they wish they had a significant other in their lives because they can’t understand how I can and they can’t since they’re so much better than me, I am going to punch them in the face and give them something to really cry about. Honestly, I was happy before I met someone. I was content to live out the rest of my life without any significant other and I planned on having a super life. So, now I have someone. Life doesn’t like plans. Remember that while you’re pining away and telling yourself that you’re better and prettier and nicer than I am. I am me. You are you. There is no ladder or scale or test to find out who is more desirable. I’m happy. I was never unhappy and no matter what happens in my life I’m going to work to make it as awesome as possible. There will be no moping in my world—no moping and no pink.

16] There’s a lot to be said for accepting life the way it is, for just experiencing life rather than

fighting it. Long after you and I are gone, the grass will still grow, the sun will still shine. One cannot fight these things. Be thankful, be empathetic, be loyal, be true to yourself, don’t try to paint the world with the brush you carry with you, just let all the brushstrokes from everyone around you color the world and stand back to enjoy the painting. It might not be the painting you were expecting, but it is beautiful none the less.

And yeah, I get that some of these opinions start to conflict with each other. That's life. It's not a science experiment...well, it kind of is, but not one that follows the laws of science.  Dammit, now I've gone and broken some of those too. Not even a full day into the new year and my resolution to be perfect is already destroyed.