Truth of Character

I’m not a good person.  Those of you who know me well, know this about me.  Oh, sure, I really truly care about people and I am interested in the lives of my friends and I do my best to not judge people.

But let’s face it.  I got a k-cup brewer for Christmas and I saved the box for changing out the kitty litter so I could put it on the curb and wait for my neighbor to try to steal it.  I didn’t use it right away, I mean, I had to make sure the brewer worked.  But then, well, I filled it with used, stinky kitty litter and this evening, I carried it out to the curb and made sure the box was facing across the street so the neighbor who has confused the words “garbage day” with the words “garage sale” can read them as he goes outside to smoke his cigarettes and stares across the street and watches.

As if that’s not bad enough, I cut the cord off the old VCR and stuck it in the box and let it dangle out so it looks like there’s something electronic in the box.

Then I duct-taped it shut with the cord still dangling so no one can just open the box and look inside.

No. Theft is clearly going to require grabbing the box and absconding with it to a new, secure location.

And I’m hoping that secure location is inside their house.  So I used extra tape which will probably require he does some box cutting.

I’m not a nice person.

I wouldn’t say this is something new.  However, I will say that I have recently become disgruntled with humanity.

I can clearly pinpoint the moment when this happened—it was the day the blond guy asked me to fax him something and then complained that he couldn’t read the fax.

Even if I had psychic paper (Dr. Who reference for those who aren’t in “the know”) he was never going to be able to read the fax…..because he was BLIND!  If I was a nice person, I wouldn’t have gotten so upset.  I probably wouldn’t have told him that he was so pathetic he was making me wish for the Zombie Apocalypse because humanity clearly no longer deserved to live.  Hell, I might even find religion for the sole (soul?) purpose of being able to pray/prey for the Zombie Apocalypse. 

So as I sit here listening to Twisted Sister on my iPod that Apple has informed me is way too outdated and I can’t really listen to it in good conscious any longer even though it works perfectly well and suits my purposes, I want you all to know.  I’m not a nice person.

If I were a nice person I wouldn’t be laughing as the dog barked at the guy racing across the street trying to hide the fact that he’s just picked himself up a new k-cup brewer.  Yay you!  I’m so glad I can contribute to your charity.

I don’t think food stamps pay for professional carpet cleaning. 

If I were a nice person, this thought wouldn’t have just popped into my head:  “Hell, it probably makes his house smell better and sucks up some of the grease off the floor.”