Taboo Subject #2 Sex

Honestly, why is this a taboo subject?  I mean as a repressed country we sure spend a hell of a lot of time not discussing it. 

Sex is the focus of songs, poems, books, and lifestyles.  Religions focus on reasons why you should or shouldn’t do it, and how you should or shouldn’t do it.  Advertisers use it to sell things as mundane as M&Ms.  It can be exploited, taken, and sold.

Oh, and it’s full of wonderful contradictions.  Women can use it to get what they want, but apparently men aren’t allowed to.  If you’re a woman using it to get what you want, some men are happy to be used while others are afraid of it and other women try to demean you.  Sex is used to judge people, to rate people, to destroy people, and to uplift people.

Religions condemn sex, but keep asking for more followers to join their flock.  How in the hell is that supposed to happen?

Same sex relationships are condemned but some of them are so much more healthy than some relationships between men and women.  I can point to a lot of examples on this one.  Frankly some of the most healthy relationships around me are those with alternative lifestyles.

Which is a comment that leads nicely into my thoughts on sex.  I have a friend who says:  “Sex is like pizza, you never get a bad slice.”  Well, you know, sometimes there’re things on that pizza that you have to pick off.  

And I’ve had bad pizza.

The world is full of assumptions about sex about what men should want and what women should want.  Who should be saying yes and who should be saying no.  What’s acceptable and what’s kinky and what’s WAY too kinky.

Here are some facts:  1]  for some people sex takes on an emotional string  2] some people have such low self esteem that they will do anything to be loved and they think that if someone will have sex with them that they are loved  3] sex can have consequences that you need to be aware of like disease and pregnancy  -- if you don’t want them, then neither of them are any fun.  4] once you’ve had sex with a person, you can’t take it back so you shouldn’t take the decision lightly…which actually means it’s probably better to wait until you know a person for a while before doing the deed.  People are on their best behavior in the beginning of a relationship.  If it gets bad or you don’t like things at that point, it’s never ever going to get better and three weeks from that first date you’re going to know a hell of a lot more than you are on that first date.

I’ve come to the conclusion that perhaps some sex is “good” but you really don’t know what mind-blowing, eyes-rolling-back-in-your-head, losing track of time and space sex is until you’ve had it with someone who matches you.  Opposites attract, but they aren’t good.  I mean, really if you’re with someone who doesn’t like sex and you’re a person who does; someone’s going to spend their time frustrated and the other person is going to be annoyed.  Which is why homosexual people are sometimes in better relationships…because they’re two people who’ve figured out what they like.  Heterosexual people are mixed up with all these do’s and don’t’s .  What’s right and wrong.  Blah Blah Blah.

And let’s go a step further and say that you should not stereotype.  There are really guys out there who don’t like sex.  Try this link out  http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/when-men-dont-want-sex-americas-best-kept-secret-1150099.html 

I’ve talked with other women about guys who don’t like sex…the guys who hear this conversation normally scoff in disbelief.  But then they would because they believe the stereotypes just as much as everyone else.  In any case, if it’s the man or the woman who doesn’t like sex, and their partner does…it causes all kinds of horrible things:  self esteem issues, confidence issues…everything.  A woman who gets turned down by a man with whom she is in a relationship feels worthless and it batters her self esteem; it effects a man who’s turned down the same way but he’s probably expected to “take it.” 

In the end, I think we’d all be happier just talking about it rather than avoiding talking about it.  I think we’d be happier if we didn’t look at sex as a proclamation of love but rather something that comes from a deep caring for another human being.  If we did, then perhaps we’d match up closer or at least talk about it or maybe even move on to someone who matches someone better.  Hear me when I say that what you say to someone about sex can affect them in ways you never expect—you can damage a person’s psyche with just a word or an expression when dealing with sex.  And people will use it as a weapon against you if you let it.

Sex is a healthy and important off-shoot of emotion.  It’s not a way to find emotion.  And it’s way better if you find someone who shares the same expectations as you do.  If you’re a little bit kinky, then don’t be in a relationship with a person who’s going to be horrified by the smallest suggestion of anything other than straight, sex for the sole purpose of having a baby:  “Hey, baby, let’s dress up like pirates and swing from the rafters.  Well, yeah, I know you aren’t ovulating and that your hips have to be at a 60 degree angle to improve the chances of you getting pregnant and yeah, uhm, we don’t want pirate babies.”

 If you like to play don’t marry someone who thinks that sex is something you only do when you’re courting someone and when you marry you don’t have to do it any longer and than only does it as a marital duty that you have to be grateful for:  “Excuse me, but I don’t know why you want sex again, we did it three months ago.  Gosh, that’s all you ever think about, there’s clearly something wrong with you.”  (Yeah, this one sounds more real than the other ones because I actually heard it.)

If you want to tie your lover to your bed posts and drive him or her insane with your tongue, don’t choose a partner who isn’t going to like that:  “RAPE!”

Try to talk about it.  If your partner says no to something you want to try, then find out why and try to explain why it’s important to you.  If you aren’t comfortable talking about it, then you shouldn’t be considering this person a partner anyway.   Oh, and don’t sleep around with people…this is a small town, it’s a festering pool of discarded liquids and gelatinous goop, don’t share the goop and don’t spread it around.  Rolling around in goop that’s not had time to dry or spreading your goop around…well, gosh, have some respect for yourself.