Ice Cream Truck Registry? I vote yes!

That f-ing ice cream truck came by again today.  You know the one.  It plays this annoying song and then the song stops and this chilling woman’s voice says, “Hello.”  Then the music starts up again.  There’s something very disturbing about it.  It makes me want to call the police or some child abuse hotline or something.

The truck in our neighborhood is driven by some big burly guy with a bald head.  I know this because I was out walking my dog and he stopped to tell me that I “Shore had a nice lookin’ dawg dere.”  I’m not making fun of people with accents, but this guy could have played a pig rider in Deliverance if you know what I mean.  I wasn’t worried, mostly because I’m pretty sure I’m not his type.  He goes more for the Ned Beatty type or perhaps he’s just a raging pedophile.

Which brings me to the question:  what kind of licenses are involved with ice cream truck driver?  Does the health department inspect these things?  Because that guy drives around for a long long time.  If I’m not mistaken, he’s got a bottle of hooch hidden under the seat.  That calls for peeing.  There’s no port-a-potty dragging along behind.  I’ve never seen him stop and ask to use the restroom someplace.  In fact, I’ve never ever seen an ice cream truck parked at a location that has a public restroom.   This brings us to the banana popsicle that was bought my one little kid who ran out of her house with a wad full of cash that she’d obviously stolen from her mother’s purse.

From the looks of the lawn maintenance, mom was probably passed out on the living room couch with a still smoldering doobie in her hand or she was locked in the bedroom with her boyfriend of the week.  Either way, the kid runs out and the stupid truck is already stalking me so it’s not a big deal for it to stop right there.  The kid nearly runs me down in the urgency to get to the window.

Child Molestor guy gets up from the driver’s seat and comes to the window.  And says (I’m not kidding about this either) “What can I get you, little girl?” in a fake deep voice that has me convinced I better look for his picture on the registry.

This little girl orders a “banana flavored popsicle.” 

Banana flavored popsicles are yellow.

Like pee.

I’ve just been wondering where the guy pees.

The girl looks thrilled.

The man looks strangely excited and flushed.

I am looking for the number to the health department.

Better yet, there's this poodle that keeps pooping in my yard.  I think his owner would make a nice meatsicle...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1Q23MzSrkg&feature=related